Something I *was* aware of when I was a competitive swimmer was the prevalence of body image issues. How can they not be? You’re in a swim suit for what feels like 50% of your day—you feel your body push off walls underwater, you see how your body looks in possibly the worst lighting possible (shout out pool decks), you see how your suit does or doesn’t dig into your shoulders on any given day—every day. It’s hard not to obsess, especially in the context of performance and personalities that are hardwired to go “all-in”. This is nothing new—it’s talked about so much more at collegiate levels now, and I’m so grateful for that. I had so many close friends struggle with this and get help for it.
But what I *wasn’t* aware of was how this problem can manifest afterwards. I think what people don’t talk about is what happens when it’s all over. We don’t just pack up our lockers and say “well, that was fun.” Sports leave a forever impact on you, and I want to try to be as open as possible about that impact (the good - more exciting things to come on that soon - and the bad).
I want people, especially my fellow swammers, to know they’re not alone (it’s one of the main reasons I started D2D). Transition is hard, it just is.
In preparing for my appointment today, I was overwhelmed with how to articulate what I’ve been feeling over the course of the past 5 years. So I did what I know best: I wrote something. And, I'm sharing it with you all in case it makes anyone feel less alone.
A Body
It was
A body that pulled
A body that pushed
A body that lifted
A body that rushed
A body deserving
A body with purpose
A body they needed
A body relentless
It is
A body retired
A body confused
A body average
A body used
A body guilty
A body compared
A body gluttonous
A body scared
This body
Has no one to show up for
It doesn’t impress
It is groomed for nothing
But to sit at a desk
This body
Gave to a sport
But without it, takes from me
Asking the question:
Can I deserve to be?
